We are at the end of "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict, and some of you are happy that we are finished.  I don't know about you but I have been guilty of all them in the last 20 years.  Now you know the pastor is not perfect. So here it is #10. Refusing to say, "I was wrong;I'm sorry;will you forgive me."

We are getting close to the end of "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict, and I know that each one has effected me, in wanting to change.  Each and every one of us can pray, but for some reason we choose not to.  Did we forget about the verse "Pray without ceasing".  So this brings us to #9.  Failing to seek the Holy Spirit's guidance through prayer

The eighth "wrong way" to handle marital conflict is also a popular one for husband and wives.  #8. Ignoring the problem and pretending it will go away

As we continue with "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict, this one has been going on since Adam and Eve.  We are probaly all guilty of #7. Shifting the blame and not admitting my own failure

As we deal with the next "wrong way", I have dealt with couples who have constantly brought up their spouses past failures.  The marriages usually do not last.  So here is #6. Bringing up past failures (viewing today's conflict through yesterday;s pain)

We are continuing our series of  "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict and we are about half way done.  This next one is a tough one to handle, deals with the way we talk to each other while we are having conflict.  #5.  Verbal sparring with hurtful words (trying to win an argument rather than resolve the problem)  Enjoy your Sunday.

What does day 4 bring us with our series of "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict.  I am guilty of the first three so far.  We all need to work on the way we handle conflict.  I did a bible study last night where I brought out the verses Ephesian 4:26-27, where the main idea was to "not give place to the devil."  That is a way to handle conflict.  So what is #4.  Walking away and refusing to work it out

Here we are with day 3 of our 10 "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict.  How many of us have been guilty of #3.  Emotional outbursts(adult temper tantrums)  I have a 2 year old that throws temper tantrums but some of us adults have had our emotional outbursts also.  Have you been guilty of all 3 so far, their is still time for us to change.  Don't give up now.

Here we are back for day 2 of "wrong ways" to handle conflict. I believe we all have taken part in this one.  Whether on the giving or receiving end.  2. The silent treatment(relational withdrawal)

I would like to share with you from the book "Faith Full Marriage" by Paul Chappell ten "wrong ways" to handle marital conflict.  We know that conflict in a marriage is inevitable.  It is going to happen, and we can deal with it biblically and with spiritual maturity.  In the next 10 days I am going to give you the "wrong ways" starting with the first one.  1.  Denying that a problem even exists
How many of us are already culprits with this first one.  I hope you will enjoy the next 10 days.  Leave a comment if you like.

"Where love reigns supreme, the married life will be joyful, whether in wealth or in poverty."

"Missing Ingrediant # 3-FORGIVENESS" By: Rena Frayer

Ephesians 4:32 " and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you"

Forgiveness means to treat a person as if something never happened.

Forgiveness is vital for a marriage to work.  Is it easy? Definitely not.  I know some people that have been hurt badly, and forgiveness is the last thing that they want to think about.

Jesus said, forgive as I have forgiven you.  Remember that you are not perfect, and neither is the person you married.  God doesn't view one sin worse than the other like we do.  To God, sin is sin!

I have learned in  my life that you are no good with bitterness harbouring in your heart.  Bitterness is what comes from not forgiving.  It usually brings more hurt to yourself, than the one you are angry with.  What happens is we take it out on everyone else.  Maybe the children, a coworker, or some Innocent person in our path that day.

I do believe we need to learn for everything that we go through.  God allows us to go through certain things so that we may grow in Him.  He will never leave us, nor forsake us.  I understand that forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind.  That is why you must lean on Jesus to help you. 

You cannot have a solid marriage without forgiveness. If you are struggling with forgiveness, I pray that you get the victory over it.  Remember you can have Victory In Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!

"Missing Ingredient # 3-FORGIVNESS-"By:Pastor Matt Frayer

Forgiveness: to pardon, to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty.

Ephesians 4:32 "and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as Christ"s sake hath forgiven you."

Men, this is a very hard verse to take in, especially when dealing with marriage.  I know sometimes things happen in a marriage, such as adultery, that are very hard to deal with. Forgiveness becomes very difficult. 

You have to really dig deep inside of you and ask the Lord to help.  Lets face it; He is the only one that can help you.  What happens when you don't forgive.  You get excess anger, wrath, evil speaking, and bitterness that over takes you.

Wait a minute. If we go back to verse 31 in Ephesians 4, it tells us "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice."  I am not going to tell you that it is easy.  I am going to tell you that Jesus forgave me for all I have done in my life.  I am giving scriptures that have helped me in my own marriage.  To be honest with you, she has forgiven me probably more than I have forgiven her.

Remember, no marriage is perfect.  If you can work it out-Work it out.  Don't let "Forgiveness" be the missing ingredient in your marriage.

"Testing Our Efforts at Biblical Love"

11. "Charity beareth all things" (ICor 13:7)
Love is not rebellious in attitude.  It is submissive, willing to bear the burden of another person's failures in a relationship with you.

12.  "Charity believeth all things" (ICor 13:7)
Love is not suspicious, but trustful, not cynical.  It makes every allowance and looks for any explanation that might show the best in others.

13.  "Charity hopeth all things" (ICor 13:7)
Love is not despondent and depressed, but hopeful.  It does not give up because it has been deceived or denied.

14.  "Charity endureth all things" (ICor 13:7)
Love is unconquerable and invincible.  It can outlast any trial, reproof, or problem of life that people throw at us.

"Testing Our Efforts at Biblical Love"

7. "Charity seeketh not her own" (ICor 13:5)
love is not selfish, but self-less.

8.  "Charity is not easily provoked" (ICor 13:5)
love is not easily irritated, but even-tempered.

9.  "Charity thinketh no evil" (ICor 13:5)
love does not think the worst about people.

10.  "Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth" (ICor 13:6)
love does not delight in the exposure of another person's faults and failures, but rejoices when a person overcomes them by obedience to the truth.

Testing Our Efforts at Biblical Love

2. "Charity is kind"(ICor 13:4)
Is is not inconsiderate of others, seeks to help, is constructive, blesses when cursed, help when someone is hurting and demonstrates tenderness.

3. "Charity envieth not" (ICor 13:4)
It is content, not jealous of another person's successes. It is not maliciously competitive.

4. "Charity vaunteth not itself" (ICor 13:4)
Love is not arrogant, but humble.  It is not haughty, but lowly in self-opinion and is gracious.

5. "Charity is not puffed up" (ICor 13:4)
Love is not boastful, but reserved. It does not show off, try to impress, or want to be the center of attention.

6.  "Charity doth not behave itself unseemly" (ICor 13:4)
Love is never rude and always courteous.